just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
