so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
