i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
