I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
