I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize