I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
