did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize