another moral hangover. fuck.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
