hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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