took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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