i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
