Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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