we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
did you just send me my own nude
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
