i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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