I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
