A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
