Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
