Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
