It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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