aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
