I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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