Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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