My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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