Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
