So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
