dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
