Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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