Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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