I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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