so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
