The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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