So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
