what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
