Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
