no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
