I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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