You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
