I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
