Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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