I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
