i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
