Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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