The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
porn star boner night. come get it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
