I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
