wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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