im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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