Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
