I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
