just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Damn victory sex feels great
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
