the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize