I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
