I love black thongs
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
