im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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