It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
