He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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