Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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