I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
