I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
