oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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