maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
