i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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