I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
