Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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