I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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