rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
