Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
