Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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