Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
