So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
