we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
