I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
