you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
