I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
