I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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