i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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