small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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