Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
