And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
