don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize