i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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