i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
