then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
