the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
