I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
