All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
