So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
