ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
