The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
