You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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